Blessings In Disguise

I   may learn slowing and stubbornly but I am learning.  Today it was confirmed that another sweet little girl I love recently adopted from China also has SMA.  These little letters are full of such   devastation.  There is no cure.  No transplant possibilities.  No escaping these ugly claws of deterioration.  Meisyn is a life changing teacher.  She has taught me that death is like going into another room.  We won’t fear death itself but we will mourn the separation that death brings us.

Three weeks ago, Meisyn’s life long friend and orphanage brother Zane died unexpectedly.  The things I have learned, felt and witnessed these last few weeks have confirmed to me that there is a purpose, a power, and a peace that is being made manifest through Zane’s life and his death.  I believe that while Zane was in his coma, he had the choice to stay or to go.  Perhaps feeling the fullness of his whole body for the first time ever, he didn’t want to return to the broken one he had been born with.  This I can certainly understand.

Meisyn will also make these choices.  It is HER life.  HER decision when that time comes.  I will not want it.  I will fight for more physical time with my child.  But I will follow the purpose that is in her life.  If it is not to be healed than I am confident it is to heal us.  She tells me about her closeness to Jesus and her desire to run to Him.  She knows there will be more glory for her even beyond this world.

It is not that we are giving up.  We are giving upward.  We are not letting go but we will be loving through.  Why it has to be this way?  I do not know nor understand but I am being taught that someday I will.

I went searching for solace and a single thread of understanding one night and I stumbled across this song by Laura Story called "Blessings"   I was taught and my heart embraced this truth
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGniRk_GcLs
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise